=v=

well,i don understand this weird feeling of mine.....i jux felt so empty....
and we got back report book back today......and i did not do very well......-_-'

failure.........level position is jux 18...........down graded........really regretted....i did not work hard...and i noe its too late........this kind of result,how can i show my parents?and wad will they say?derogating me again?and can i take it........o_o

never mind...i gonna pull up my socks the upcoming year.........
but it sad to be depart with 2a1 frens......many of us is not goin to be classmates next year.......


2a1,lets look forward to this upcoming class chalet which only belongs to 2A1!
im looking forward to this last 2a1 outing........lets gather for the last time and enjoy!


mm,a loner........me?quite true........zqg and reeta ignored me when having a great time with naz.......although zqh and reeta tried to engage me to join in,but the topic is so alien to me.......well,most of the time,in malay too......
but im preoccupied with other thoughts......

too relax...

now holiday is coming soon!as soon as 2 more days!
life after exams is so hard to past......time is rotating so slow.....haix....but very fun!whole day playing and beside playing,still playing!!!2a1 making so much noise...hahax........hvh

now im busying dancing for mr low farewell party.....whole week trainings........-_-
and most unluckily,i fell sick...wth.......cough....2_2coughing all day long......
any effective cough relief medicine?haix...............................................
but should be blaming myself.....haha......cough then still buy french fries to eat......^v^

i mux also update on monday trip to malaysia!22 oct........

well,in the morning,i went to sch for dance training and then meet up with my mom and her 2 frens to go malaysia..........i brot clothes to change.......ivi
and together,we took mrt down to.......i forgot where......hahax........and at that place,we took bus to woodland custom......and from there,we went straight to malaysia custom and reach our destination in a malaysia taxi ride................and time to shop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVERYTHING IS SOOOOOOOOO CHEAP!i bot 2 bags,1 nike and the other zinc!guess how much it cost........

it cost Rm 40 and convert to singapore$ is jux $17 each......it is damn worthwhile!singapore sell it at $35 the cheapest and i can get it at $17!hahax............................i will definitely get all kind of bags from malaysia if i need to buy any......not from singapore.......and i gonna get my 2008 school bag from malaysia too......i tol reeeta about this and she immediately ask me to get her one if im going malaysia again...hahax......so shiok......beside bags,i bot disc.....also very cheap....hahax.....cant mention how much....too cheapskate liao...hahx.....and its clear!i too bot a fanciful bling bling hairband at Rm 3.90 and only $1.50 in singapore.....
we also ate heavenly delicious food at de xing restaurant......wow......mamamia.......#v#
we ate twice...one at 1 o clock and the other at 6.3opm..its simply marvellous!and after that we called a taxi which specialize in sending us straight back home from malaysia and headed home sweet home...................
the trip is fun and cool......!

*v*

haix......

hard work did not reali paid off.......results......+_+
i dare not show my parents.......if not.......o_o
i can only wait for the report book then show them.at least it can pull up my grades.....even when i got 3rd for chinese with 84.25 marks,guess wad she said before u read on..........
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???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


'wah!'
'so lousy !'


and my heart shattered......!_!

im not smart much more intelligent but i did wad i can yet........g_g
feel like quitting councillor board.......my mom said that im not fit to be a councillor.......bein derogated........................but to accept

wad the hack is goin on?

today another bad thing happen.......!_!

i was watching vcds from 12 to 3 pm......then my dad,flare up and shouted at me and confiscate the vcds.......wad the hack....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
exam is over and cant i relax???????wad his reason for doin so is that i don pay for the electricity bills!and wad more infuriating is that he shouted at me to GET A JOB!how old am i to get a job????????????????????????????????????????????????
a father behaving like a child and childish act!i cant stand it...............=_=
im jux a 14 years old teenager and who is goin to hire me????

and he demanded me to clear my desk.......but as i said,the com had occupied almost al the available spaces and where can i place my things?and he said throw things that are unnecessary..........wad i have is mainly books!so are all the books considered as unnecessary?nobody think for me.................they never spare a thought for me........................well,wad can i expect from them.....im jux aggrieved by it........he even said that he would throw anything that he sees if it to him messy!under the bed,theres books and those are my mom who suggested that i can place it there and im the one getting scolded.............my mom even said very sarcastically that she is the one who suggested and said she had tolerated me long enough......@_@


im saddened by my dad unreasonable reasons.............link back to the previous post,he is angry over that im not willing to help him......................haix....haix......
and that i always pull a long face.........................and i am apathetic towards the family................but had they ever spare a thought for me???
actually i had promised to meet nicolette to teach her cycle but because i was told to clear my desk that i had to cancel the plan.......+_+

my mom was so favoritism towards my sis......i already tol her that i am having my collection of watches and yet she bot 4 and let my sis choose 2 as she like or even all 4............she was not interested in watches until i ask my mom buy!im not bein petty but its really not fair........wad my mom bot for my sis is exceptionally nice and with exquisite designs...............feel like.......0_0

my bro,the one who abuse me,was gloating away when i get scolded by my dad,mom..............#_#


great family,isnt it!

K_K

THINHgs went wrong........

-_-

my life is in a whirl now....things that happen to me and things that cannot be efface......................................................................................................................

my dad cannot be riled......if not life will be agony......i,seems to hate him........=_=
he is so tactless.............speak so loud of his grievances....it seems that he had so much to say.........i help him to work and yet receive no pay....not even a dollar,a cent!yet i had no grievances.....he shouted at me and said that i gave him attitude.........................................................................................................................
i help him work in the morning every saturday and thats wad i get....well...disappointed........only 2 weeks due to exam periods ,i didnt help .....wth......my parents don understand me at al......they want me to help but not need me......anyone understand how it feels????WELL,I GUESS NOT...........want and need differs......

he criticize me so harshly yet i could not defense myself.............he said i was unwilling to help ....but guys!imagine it urself.......mon,tue,wed,thur,fri studying and sat,fancy goin to work in the morning!!!!!!!!!im not a robot........i neet time to rest and relax.........a continuous 6 days of hectic life every week is making me mad......of course on that sat morning i will look tired but its human nature!will anyone look very very energetic after a whole row of exhausting days??????????
i doubt so.................................and izzit wrong to doze off when im too tired>>>>?
wadever i do seems to be heinous crimes in his perspective...............................
his perceptions is wrong and would not listen to others.....to him,i mux seems energetic all the times,smiling all the times,helping him without any grievances,get good results in studies,be an obedient child all the times and all of this,i simply had enough!the more he force me,the more i wanna rebel..............
i jux wanted to be myself............................................................................................
i realli wanna be myself.............................................................................................

i don wanna be a puppet and definitely not!

at night,he ordered all of us to watch how a family set up a horticulture business and having the sons and daughter that are so supportive....he wanted us to be like them...........................but from wad i understand about that show,only 3 out of 9 children of his decided to take over him............and most importantly of all,they love and enjoyed doin it.......it is their interest!interest isnt something that can be force.....................thats the point my dad don get it..haix....argh!thats frustrating.............................


0_0

i noe wad he expects and wad we ought to do but im trying hard to do it well....but every time he jux spout criticism out of nowhere and expects wad he expect.............................y mux it always be my fault?y mux it i mux change for his sake?i knew he had to shoulder great responsibilities but i had my own trouble and life i had to lead............im helping but although it is to him,too small to mention,it shows my sincerity!mux i do noble act to show that im helping>?im willing to help but it is sometimes too tired and that i would doze off.....if thats the case ,i can only apologize........im willing to help but i mux state that it is not my interest.....................................*_*it really isnt.....


i had no great rapport with my family and don mind too......i jux hope for a little more freedom.....no more mental struggle...no more misunderstandings.....thats not too much...i hoped....

#_#

UPDATE....

FRENS,,,,thanx for ur concern......well.....i really had no other alternatives and therefore wrote my feels up here........hope u guys don mind.............


ok....today,i went shopping with qing ning ..nicolette..anthony..kok kiong.......at ang mo kio hub........i bot hei tang ma qi duo and was broke.......i mux sat tt qn can really shop!!!!!!!!!!!!!bot so much clothes..........and bag.......................haix......pro....
i only accompanied qn and n........i,myself.......cant shop......shop and my legs went sore..........+_+................too tired to mention........but im goin back amk hub next week to buy VCDs................they are finally out!!!!!!!!!!!!!



thats it.......and cant really update tt often......since tt incident,the com is under controlled by my 'bro'...............................

exams finally over.....and feel so free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i gonna shop for al i can this holiday but the only problem is $$$$$$$$$.....hahax...

!_!

today,wad had i done to being suffered by someone so called a brother???a biology brother..........................................................-_-


when i came home,i jux wanted to use the com while he is sleeping.......then,the next moment,he disconnected the server and forbid me to operate the com........i was infuriated......................and then i plucked out all the wires .........the com is on my table yet i had no control over it...........it takes up my study desks and i has no place to study.......they will sit in front of the com from morning till night non stop and me???everyday sitting outside living room to study......on the floor......i hate it!!!!!!

when i plucked out the wire,he started to pinch me on my arms .....its really painful and i cried.....it turns blue black.........he demanded me to insert the wires back and i refuse.........then he kicked and punch me...............p_p
i tolerated and he hit me until i bleed..........i hate him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and called me DOG................

well,i hated all this yet i could not retaliate...even if i tell my mum,they will say my fault.......

one day,i will stop all this...........

burning inside me!

TODAY i went library with qingning changhee anthony darrel.......those tt promise to come yet back out last min......I HATE u!!!!!!!!!!*n*

u didnt even get the facts right and said we will definitely play a fool and have fun there......im here proofing to u that we did study except for darrel...!
although it seems nothing for me to be angry,but wad u said is really irritating....!
get the facts right before u say anything.....moonshine!



we went ang mo kio library and studied for 5 hours....it seems that only me qn and ch studied..........-o-

in the mid,we went cafe galilee to have drinks and it cost everyone one of us except darrel to pay $4.50 ant total $17.50 for a card for 5 drinks.....its heart aching!!!!!!!!!! the drinks arent nice and wanna make me n qn puke.....blegh...+_+after that went back to study again....



at 4,we went to ang mo kio hub to eat dinner....ch darrel ant ate "niao fan" which is chicken rice.....qn ate prawn noodle.....and i ate zha jiang mian.......not nice de......and it cost $3.50........@n@


then qn and i separated with the guys and went to shop for awhile.......and i went to ah ma hse to eat dinner........but because i have already eaten at amk hub,i couldnt eat much and my ah ma looked sad....haix...sorry .....ah ma.....


and bion bion is forever so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!


and hitch a ride from my gu gu mummy to get home.....

disappointed...yet persevere

eng,chinsese,history,lit,geog,is over...........-_-
out of oll this..im most disappointed and saddened over lit paper.....i spend so much effort on it and was tricked by unseen prose ...and 25 marks gone.....but luckily the others i had some confidence......i hope i could do well for the rest of the papers .....im relying on math and sci...this late half year,my sci had shown drastic improvements and therefore i can do well for sci...as for maths,i can only do well if i really work them out....so i have organize a revision day with zhehuan,chang hee,kok kiong,qing ning.anthony..........at ang mo kio library........


exam period isleep really late at night...sleep at 1 am every day and woke up at 5.50.....reach school at 6.25............0_0

i realise that i have no plans for future...no ambition,confuse of whether goin to poly or jc....everybody is confusing me.......w_w
i don even noe wad im good at......u_u

wad job suits me?
wad class to take for sec 3?
can i cope?
how to cope?


this moment thinking real hard.....i will update again if i tot about it...give me advice too....

exam period.

now exam period ...no time and no mood to blog....sorry guys.....im immersing myself into whole stack of books and files.....-_-...but find history really exciting.....


i blog for another reason...i rode to school today!!!!!first time....and it was hilarious....i was not familiar with the route to ride to school using bike and got myself into funny situations.......eg,thinking that it is the correct route,i took and was blocked by blocks.....-x-wad the.....and look stupid when i started laughing to myself......and when i finally reach sch,i ask songyu for the route to take....and was finally =enlighten=........thanks song yu!

and wad happen today....o..ya....we have a total of 8 free periods!!!!!shiok......shiok.....spend 2 periods in hall,2 periods in art room,4 periods in music room,1 period in class........revising history!!!!!!!!soon becoming very well knowledge.....haha

while in the hall, kk saw hazi so lonely and he looked forlorn...and instead of going to her and accompany her,he asked me to.....2_2.....wad the......thankyou loyal citizen member for creating jobs for me!but actually i don mind....haha....

and in art class,i leart some malay words.....and reeta and hazi laugh at me....its indeed funny...with my weird pronunciations........

and finally bell rang,and i cycled home.....=z=