THINHgs went wrong........

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my life is in a whirl now....things that happen to me and things that cannot be efface......................................................................................................................

my dad cannot be riled......if not life will be agony......i,seems to hate him........=_=
he is so tactless.............speak so loud of his grievances....it seems that he had so much to say.........i help him to work and yet receive no pay....not even a dollar,a cent!yet i had no grievances.....he shouted at me and said that i gave him attitude.........................................................................................................................
i help him work in the morning every saturday and thats wad i get....well...disappointed........only 2 weeks due to exam periods ,i didnt help .....wth......my parents don understand me at al......they want me to help but not need me......anyone understand how it feels????WELL,I GUESS NOT...........want and need differs......

he criticize me so harshly yet i could not defense myself.............he said i was unwilling to help ....but guys!imagine it urself.......mon,tue,wed,thur,fri studying and sat,fancy goin to work in the morning!!!!!!!!!im not a robot........i neet time to rest and relax.........a continuous 6 days of hectic life every week is making me mad......of course on that sat morning i will look tired but its human nature!will anyone look very very energetic after a whole row of exhausting days??????????
i doubt so.................................and izzit wrong to doze off when im too tired>>>>?
wadever i do seems to be heinous crimes in his perspective...............................
his perceptions is wrong and would not listen to others.....to him,i mux seems energetic all the times,smiling all the times,helping him without any grievances,get good results in studies,be an obedient child all the times and all of this,i simply had enough!the more he force me,the more i wanna rebel..............
i jux wanted to be myself............................................................................................
i realli wanna be myself.............................................................................................

i don wanna be a puppet and definitely not!

at night,he ordered all of us to watch how a family set up a horticulture business and having the sons and daughter that are so supportive....he wanted us to be like them...........................but from wad i understand about that show,only 3 out of 9 children of his decided to take over him............and most importantly of all,they love and enjoyed doin it.......it is their interest!interest isnt something that can be force.....................thats the point my dad don get it..haix....argh!thats frustrating.............................


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i noe wad he expects and wad we ought to do but im trying hard to do it well....but every time he jux spout criticism out of nowhere and expects wad he expect.............................y mux it always be my fault?y mux it i mux change for his sake?i knew he had to shoulder great responsibilities but i had my own trouble and life i had to lead............im helping but although it is to him,too small to mention,it shows my sincerity!mux i do noble act to show that im helping>?im willing to help but it is sometimes too tired and that i would doze off.....if thats the case ,i can only apologize........im willing to help but i mux state that it is not my interest.....................................*_*it really isnt.....


i had no great rapport with my family and don mind too......i jux hope for a little more freedom.....no more mental struggle...no more misunderstandings.....thats not too much...i hoped....

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